


All There Is And All There Ever Was

by EclipseAtDawn



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M, Infected Paul, Post-Apotheosis (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Post-Canon, Swearing, but you can still read this without reading my other fic it will still make sense, half-infected!paul, takes place in between the end of tgwdlm and the start of my longer fic, this is like 2/5 fluff 3/5 angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23208568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EclipseAtDawn/pseuds/EclipseAtDawn
Summary: Paul and Emma had gotten out after that incident in the Clivesdale hospital, but the Hive isn't ready to give them up quite yet.
Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	All There Is And All There Ever Was

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thanks for checking this out! Before I start I just want to let you know this does play a part in a larger fic I am writing, but you can still read this on it's own and it will make sense. It was going to be a flashback scene in Come With Me If You Want To Live, but since that fic has not reached this point yet, and I already have this written, I really just wanted to post it on it's own. This is supposed to take place in between the end of TGWDLM and the beginning of Come With Me.

Emma and Paul, or Kelly and Ben as PEIP liked to remind them, had been living in Colorado for a while now. Paul was still partially infected, but he wasn’t dangerous or anything. PEIP was keeping an eye on his recovery, he seemed to be doing well! There would be nights Emma would shake him awake, staring into his eyes as a note faded away from his lips, or days he would unconsciously hum under his breath, or he would say strange things about the stars that he wouldn’t remember later, but he mostly had it under control! Yeah sure maybe the cure wasn’t completely finished, but it was enough to give Paul control over his own body and mind. PEIP had assured them that with the info they had gathered from “Ben” a full final cure was not too far away. For now, all Paul had to do was take the medication PEIP had given him everyday.

As for Emma, she was currently finishing up her botany degree, debt-free thanks to PEIP. She did have a fairly large garden outside, but she couldn’t quite start the pot farm yet. That was okay though! She was in school! She was away from Hatchetfield! And best of all, she had Paul. They had made it, okay well maybe that was a matter of opinion, but they were on their way there at least.

That morning had started out great. Emma woke up, the sun shining in her eyes. She didn’t want to get out of bed. Especially not when Paul was wrapped around her back like a vice. Despite his, well everything, Paul was a cuddler. His arms were wrapped around her waist, his chin sitting on top of her head. Emma just smiled and let herself enjoy the embrace for a few moments before making a move to get out of bed. She rested her hands on his arms, feeling the muscle nobody would have ever guessed he had. His skin was cold, y’know, being technically dead will do that to you, but she didn’t mind, because it just meant that it was him. She finally made her move to get up but Paul just pulled her in closer. Emma rolled her eyes and smiled, she was used to this after a few months. She turned around in his arms to face him and looked up at his face. His mouth was slightly open. A tiny puddle of blue drool had begun to gather on the pillow. Emma gently wiped his face clean, and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

No matter how many times she did that Paul always reacted the same way. He always raised his eyebrows in surprise, he always smiled when he realized what was happening, he always cupped her cheek and kissed her back.

He opened his eyes, letting his hand fall into her’s. “Well good morning.”

“You have to let me get up, babe.” Emma wrapped her arm around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair.

“We can’t just stay for a few more minutes?” Paul brushed the hair out of her eyes.

“It has been a few more minutes, come on.”

“It hasn’t been a few more minutes for me.”

“You don’t even need to sleep jackass.” They both smiled as Emma pushed him off.

And with that, Paul and Emma got up and ready for the day. He made coffee for them, swearing to Emma she would never have to make coffee again in her life. Paul hummed to himself while doing so, but Emma didn’t say anything, she knew he had to let it out somehow. Emma got breakfast for herself. Paul didn’t really eat anything anymore, in fact his body even tried to reject the coffee but he drank it anyways.

“I have to go out and get a few things, you wanna come?” Emma asked.

“Nah, I’ve been feeling a little off today. Probably not best to bring that out in public.” Paul had off days where he would feel more prone to his musical urges. It was never anything dangerous, but if they were in public it would definitely draw attention, and Paul never liked to be around anybody but Emma when it happened.

“Do you want me to stay? I can go later.” Emma knew how bad they could get sometimes. He always tried really hard to keep a cap on it, but when you can’t fully control your mind or body, it will really fuck you up.

“No, it’s okay, you go.” Emma gave him a look. “I promise i'll be fine, okay?”

“Okay.”

It should be noted that Emma would never forgive herself for leaving Paul that day.

\---------------

She pulled her car into the driveway and got the bags from the back. Walking towards the house she could see that the door had been kicked in, broken off its hinges. Her blood ran cold, her heart dropped to her stomach, and she dropped everything she had been holding. Emma ran in, calling out for Paul. There was blue shit all over the kitchen, as she rounded the corner, she tripped over a body on the floor, leaking blue from its chest and the glow in its too bright eyes still dying. As Emma cried out, a hand touched her shoulder. Out of reflex and pure fright she threw her arm back to trip whatever was behind her. She heard Paul groan as he hit the floor. 

Emma turned to face him, they were both now sitting in a puddle of blue leaking from the other body. But Emma could tell that Paul had been covered in blue splatter before he landed in the puddle. His eyes…… they weren’t supposed to be that bright.

“Emma you have to leave right now, don’t go to PEIP it’s not safe anymore!” Paul instructed her.

“Oh my god, Paul, what the fuck is going on?! What happened to you? Why are there bodies here? How did they find us!?”

“PEIP has been infiltrated. They found where we were, they found the doctor’s research, they knew PEIP was working on the cure! Emma…” Paul took a long pause. “ The Hive was never just going to let me, never going to let  _ us  _ get away. I can’t go with you. We don’t have much time before the infection takes back over.”

“No. No no no no no no no Paul there has to be another way. Where are your meds? We can still fix this, then we can leave. Together.” Emma got off the ground to go search the bathroom cupboard for his meds.

“Emma-”

“I’m not losing you again Paul” She couldn’t find them, where the fuck could they be?! She then saw the empty bottle on the ground next to the toilet. The infected that came in must have flushed them.

“Em-” Paul was more pained everytime she tried to say her name, almost like he was choking.

“We can still fix this.” She was raking her brain for another solution, any other solution, there had to be something.

“ _ Emmaaaaaaaa _ ” Paul sang out. That was it. That’s what it took to stop Emma cold in her tracks. She turned to face him, his face was streaked with tears cutting through the blue shit all over his face. Emma had never seen Paul so desperate, so…. So heartbroken…..

Instead of running like she should have, Emma got down on the floor with him and just held him as he sobbed.

“I’m not leaving you Paul. We’re in this together.”

“Em.” Paul choked as he said her name, not wanting to sing another note. “Our only chance is if you get away and stall them until the cure is ready. You can’t stay here….” She couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted her to.

“I’m not letting you go through this alone again.” God she was so fucking stubborn.

“Okay… do you still have the EpiPen?”

“Mhm” Emma nodded.

PEIP had given them an anti-EpiPen, because while EpiPens are usually filled with adrenaline, this was basically a tranquilizer to knock Paul out if he ever had a sudden relapse. It was meant to provide Emma enough time to give him his meds and get them through his system or to get away and contact them. And it looked like neither of those were an option here.

“Then you have to promise you’ll put me to sleep when I’m too far gone, and run.” Paul tried to swallow his fear as he said that, but it wasn’t too effective. Emma just nodded at him, tears starting to pick up in her eyes.

They were sitting on the floor. Emma’s back was against the wall, she had Paul in her arms. He was too tall to fully lie down in the hallway, so his knees were slightly bent.

“ _ You are the hole in my head, you are the space in my bed. You are the silence in between what I thought, and what I said  _ '' Paul sang softly to her, she was used to him uncontrollably singing at times. But Emma knew the implications this time. So she let herself enjoy him, enjoy his voice, enjoy his presence, before she inevitably had to leave him.

“ _ You are the night time fear. You are the morning when it's clear. When it's over you're the start. _ ” Paul took her hands in his. “ _ You're my head, you're my heart. _ ”

“ _ No light, no light in my bright blue eyes, I never knew daylight could be so violent _ .” His tempo was beginning to pick up now. Paul’s body tensed up as he was trying to fight it. Emma readied the EpiPen in case this was it. “ _ A revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays and what fades away. _ ”

His voice suddenly became more painful. “ _ And I’d do anything………. to make you stay. _ ” He sobbed on that line.

“Shhhh. It’s gonna be okay Paul.” Emma said to try to soothe him, but the tears were beginning to fall.

“ _Would you leave me, If I told you what I've done?_ _And would you need me, if I told you what I've become?_ ” Paul was so afraid of the….. Thing he would become under the influence of apotheosis. He never wanted Emma to see him like that again, he was so afraid of losing her to that. Emma just held him tighter, burying her face into his neck and softly kissing him.

“' _ Cause it's so easy, to say it to a crowd. But it's so hard, my love, to say it to you out loud _ .” This was the best way Paul could say “I love you” while still fighting off the infection, fighting for his life. Fighting for Emma.

And Emma knew this, so she just said “I love you too, Paul.”

Paul looked at her, tears still in his eyes. He cupped her cheek. She laid her forehead against his, they couldn’t even have a goodbye kiss at the risk of infecting Emma. The apotheosis had taken everything from them, the only thing they had left was each other, now they couldn’t even have that.

“It’s time.” Paul whispered to her. Emma looked into his eyes, they were pulsating with how bright they glowed as he was beginning to lose himself. Emma just nodded and stuck the needle in his leg. She kissed his forehead and they held each other tightly until Emma could feel Paul go limp in her arms. She sat there for a few minutes, still holding onto him as her body racked with sobs. But she had to go, for both their sakes. She didn’t know where she’d go, only that she couldn’t trust PEIP. 

Emma didn’t know how much time she would have before Paul woke up, or before more infected would come and find her. So she grabbed a backpack and started shoving clothes into it, grabbed a couple of knives from the kitchen, and some food and water. She knelt beside Paul’s body one last time before leaving, kissed her fingers and pressed them to his head. She wiped the tears out of her eyes, threw hr shit into the back of the car, and drove off to god knows where.

**Author's Note:**

> Where's Emma going? What happens to Paul? Check out Come With Me If You Want To Live to find out! BTW the song is No Light, No Light by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Come check me out on Tumblr to hear more random starkid nonsense, my main blog is eclipseatdawn and my starkid blog is graceschasity


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